i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
