do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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