so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
