man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
