Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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