Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
