porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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