You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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