No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
