my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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