was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
