We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
