When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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