I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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