You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize
