I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize