I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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