Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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