Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
