JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
