Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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