Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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