so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
