We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
