So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Another day, another engagement, another cat
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
