so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
