I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize