He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
