Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
