Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
