they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize