I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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