omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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