Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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