Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
