I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize