put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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