Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
