I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
