I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
