I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
