Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
