First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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