for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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