I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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