Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I could have mohawked her pubes.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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