According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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