I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
