dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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