for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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