i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize