I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
