I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
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