She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
