I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
