Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
