Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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