So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
