I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
