i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize