dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
