so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
