Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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