well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My feet surprised me
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