my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Farmville is her only friend.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
