dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
