Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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