Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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