I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize