I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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