Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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