I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
