i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
