i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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