Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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