kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
