I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
