just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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