True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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