Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
