Tell her she can't have a vagina
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
