can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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