the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
