My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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