Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
