grandma shit on top of the toilet
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
