idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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