Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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