I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
