What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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