i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
