Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
