Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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