you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
