thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize