my room smells like sperm. sweet.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
