stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize