last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
