time to smoke my breakfast
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
