it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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