and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
