I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
