phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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